Disappointment and the art of sulking


SULKING: mope, brood, pout, be sullen, have a long face, be in a bad mood, be put out, be out of sorts, be out of humour, be grumpy, be despondent, be moody, be resentful, pine, harbour a grudge, eat one’s heart out, moon about/around.

I’ve been working away on my miniature dollhouse this last week, trying to get it finished. It’s been two years of everything going wrong, that could go wrong with this project. A bit like sewing a dress where none of the seams match.¬†Discovering that you’ve missed a stitch half way through a nearly completed piece of crochet, or going on a diet with your Muse, only to discover he’s magically lost 4kgs and you’ve lost nothing.

So after a LOT of sweat (in a heatwave), and fear (soldering irons), I got the lighting system together in my dollhouse. Racing around to the front of the house, I gazed eagerly in at my 12 volt lighting system, plugged it in and…. nothing. NOTHING!!!! In a project that has been nothing short of a nightmare, this was the final straw. I could feel myself plummeting into the blackhole of despair.

And yes, I am fully aware that this is quite a pathetic problem, given the state of the world. But, it made me realise how futile it is to say to someone, ‘snap out of it’. I couldn’t. I needed a full 24 hour period of sulking before I could even look at the stupid thing without wanting to throw it on a flaming bonfire.

I think sulking is a highly underrated spiritual practice. Really. I look back on my life and realise now that if I had sulked more when my boyfriends dumped me, sulked more when I got fired or didn’t get the job I wanted, and really sulked about my parents not coming to my wedding (see previous post), then I would have gotten over stuff a lot better. Sulking implies a self righteous indignation that’s quite empowering. Much better than feeling sad and depressed.

So, I’ve ordered some more fuses for the stupid power board on the dollhouse, and if it doesn’t work then I may just take an axe to it for firewood, and sulk about how much money I wasted on such a stupid project. But I’m not going to feel like a victim.

I’m going to use sulking as a stepping stone to feeling better about life’s disappointments, and I encourage you to do the same. It’s highly underrated!

Let’s move on from condensed milk…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHmm, I’m feeling guilty about sugar today. I’m feeling bad about processed foods and carbohydrates too. I’m feeling bad that I haven’t been to pole dancing for a couple of weeks, and that I still haven’t joined the pilates class I’ve been talking about. I feel guilty that I don’t bound out of bed, eager to go nursing on the days I’m not writing, and that I often cancel my shifts when I don’t need to because I can’t face the patients whinging at me. I feel bad that I watch too much TV in the evenings instead of working on worthy craft projects, and that I like gin so much. I feel angry at myself that I bitch about people and that I never meditate, and that I haven’t saved more money in my life. Not to mention that my garden has run to rack and ruin, and is full of friggin’ weed and crap. Apart from that, it’s a gorgeous, nearly spring day outside today. I posted the photo of our markets in the city. They are awesome. Every week I feel bad that I go to Woolworths instead to shop…¬† I should go for an afternoon walk now, but I think I might lie down and have a little nap instead. I’m exhausted!!