I only have a couple of things on my bucket list, and one of them is to do a long drive somewhere on my own. Don’t ask me why, I just always wanted to do it. So, after upgrading my car for the first time in eleven years, I decided to go visit one of my beloved friends and her twin boys in Castlemaine, Victoria. For non-Aussies, that’s a round trip, across state borders, of 1,250kms. Here’s the map my muse (hubby) printed out for me. The blue line was the intended route, but once you get to a certain place in Victoria (fucking Horsham. Let’s just name it), then there are a couple of ways you can get to Castlemaine. Or so I thought. The trip was great for the first six hours. It was around the time I hit Horsham that it went pear shaped.

The road signs in Victoria are pathetic. I’ve drawn in the approximate route I ended up taking, which added another 100kms onto the trip, and another couple of hours. Who knew that there are no significant sign posts to Castlemaine, and who knew that trying to read a map was so pointless? On the way home, I just pulled over in the small towns and asked people where to go next.
The trip was fabulous. I had so much fun with my friend and her little ones. I now know all the verses of ‘The Wheels On The Bus’ and could probably recreate Thomas The Tank Engine’s Useful Word Book from my memory. Lots of gin was drunk, lots of talk was had. There’s nothing like catching up with an old friend.

So Jane, I hear you say, what amazing insights did you glean from your bucket experience. Let me share the following with you.

• Often, if you follow a map you’ll get lost. Especially a google maps print out.
• Celine Dion CDs will get you through the scariest backroads you find yourself on when you are a long way from home.
• They make great pies and pastries in country towns, and the public loos are pretty good too.
• And it’s true. There’s no place like home!!